Marriage and Partnerships

Due to the deficits in executive functioning, inhibitory control, and attentional processes associated with AD/HD, individuals with AD/HD are often forgetful, disorganized, distracted, irresponsible, and communicate poorly and over-react emotionally.

And when the AD/HD is undiagnosed, neither partner has a context in which to understand these characteristics, and such behaviors can invoke negative reactions and blameful attributions from the partner without AD/HD.

The partner without AD/HD may interpret the poor communication, the emotional outbursts, and the failure to carry out commitments as evidence that the partner with AD/HD does not care for or love the adult without AD/HD.

Likewise, the adult with undiagnosed AD/HD does not understand what is going on and externalizes blame on the significant other or others to protect his or her self-esteem.

Both draw negative conclusions about each other's motives and behaviors, which fuels endless conflict, negative patterns of communication, and ineffective methods of conflict resolution, eventually threatening the relationship.

The additional responsibilities of a home and a child further overwhelm the inefficient executive brain functions of the adult with AD/HD.

AD/HD behaviors with the greatest impact on relationships:

• Doesn't remember being told things
• Says things without thinking
• "Zones out" in conversations
• Has trouble dealing with frustration
• Has trouble getting started on a task
• Underestimates time needed to complete a task
• Leaves a mess
• Doesn't finish household projects.

Resolution and healing begins with the couple's awareness to separate the disorder from the person. The individual with AD/HD may need to seek an evaluation and/or treatment from a mental health professional. Marital/couples therapy may also be helpful.

References

Robin, A. (2002, October). Snapshots of an AD/HD Marriage. Attention!, 21-7.

Related Topics:

• Social Skills in Adults with AD/HD